In the early halcyon days of Res, back when we were all pretty much cohabiting (and, on occasion, sleeping, more oft than not with one another…c’mon, folks, don’t front like you didn’t know), one of our r-’n-h (rhythm-’n'-hoover) heroes was Chris “Run It” Brown, if only because his ubiquitous virgin voyage into V103 hot trax territory was an Usher-biter that worked better shouted out to the brahs from across a semi-packed dance floor (MJQ or DSC, natch) , in regards to an at-that-moment-specific indie rock kitten shaking hips and stomping cigarettes into the ground with a fierceness, made more appealing and captivating by any/every given evening’s debauchery.

Given that I read Fader more than I read Res, for obvious reasons (A: they’re so freakin’ cool, B: see A, C=B-1…don’t get it? Whatever, I didn’t major in math, either…), it was only a matter of time before Brown’s new little jingle, “Wall To Wall”, crossed my path.

Dude. The Video. Has. Jadakiss.

And. Vampires.

does it sound just like everything else Chris has ever done? Well, yeah, but if you’ll excuse me miss like Columbo, since when has that sound of vintage bloops and a silken vocal delivery like chocolate sliding up and down a honeyed analog synth ever been a bad thing? It’s like if Grandpa Soul had lunch with Uncle Poptastic Dance Party.
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AND THEN THEY BOTH ENDED UP IN A CASTLE WITH VAMPIRES.

Seriously, if they’d thought to call the boys in My Chem, vampires never woulda hurt ‘em. As it is, though, Brown’s freaky dancin’ (on the ceiling) apparently gives him +1 smooth moves, +1 finessing the ladies. If Kanye was here, he’d say something about one of the vamp-girls being his “black Anne Rice tonight”, and I’d say “(ven)True dat”.

In case you ever missed it the first time:

No, it isn’t “Yeah”. Yeah, it IS an ode to running it. Yes, that DOES excuse the blatant hoover recycling. No, I won’t let you hold a dollar.

Rihanna ft Chris Brown: “Umbrella” (Cinderella remix)

Let me remind you, while I’m at it that Rihanna’s “Umbrella” is the single best song this year-better than your rock-disco, better than your Simian, better than your Justice, and it’s utterly unremixable (and thus its’ beauty). It’s better than fucking Daft Punk making out with supermodels while Kevin Shields watches, and you just hate that you can’t do a damn thing about it (nor can you hit it). Christ Brown tried, and stepped in for a minute to ask for her hand. She undoubtedly got all cybodroogie on his ass and thus his need to hit on the vampire girls.

I’m not really sure what Chris has coming, but hopefully he won’t suddenly decide he needs to see if Samara from The Ring wants to catch a flick.