This is a bit overdue here, I know.

There was something about listening to this song yesterday (as opposed to the eight billion other times it’s been on my iTunes playlist over the past few months) that suddenly hit me as both “vital” and “epic”.
There’s something about that low end…that bass…seemingly an exchange between Atlanta’s own Tricky Stewart’s genius behind the knobs and Rihanna’s own floodlike desire to express a vow of forever from her plum-colored lips.

Rihanna: Umbrella (original mix)

It’s easy to miss the conspicuous importance behind Jay-Z’s appearance on the intro here, and the implications of Rihanna’s lyrics. In case you’ve been under a rock or without TMZ or some other such suffering, there’s been a little of a love triangle between Jigga, Beyonce (aka the woman who owns his ass) and Lil’ Miss Sunshine. While the three have kept it quiet on the full-disclosure front, take one listen to Beyonce’s bat-shit “Ring The Alarm” as a full-on assault on her would-be contender, and then check Rihanna’s little “Umbrella” note about staying dry (suuuuure):

You had my heartand we’ll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you’ll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that’s when you need me there
With you I’ll always share
Because
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
Took an oath
I’ma stick it out ’till the end

Yeeaaah. That’s, uh, innocent.

Now, my money’s on Beyonce for the fist-fight, but regardless of how utterly insane “Ring The Alarm” was, “Umbrella” is, make no mistake, the song of the summer-as it blows up at the end by essentially repeating itself, only a little heavier, this is a rare but shining example of what happens when pop, rock, r&b, rap and electronic music all work together. So much so, that I’ve yet to hear a remix that messes with the musical formula and works-the original’s utterly untouchable, even by former Res posterboy JLC/TWD/Stuart Price.

(Read as: DJS: GIVE. IT. UP. Find a way to get the original into your set or just. Don’t. Try. You can’t top that bass line, so admit defeat in its’ wake.)

Rihanna: Umbrella (Lil Mama Remix)

However, this refix from Res fave Lil’ Mama certainly works (as does Chris “Run It” Brown’s “let me holla atcha” version). Granted, Mama does what she does on all her remixes-basically she goes in with claws, teeth and flow bared, probably a little too hungry and sound all the more like Jean Grae’s younger sis for it, but that’s not a bad thing. “Umbrella”’s epic, Rihanna’s a robot forged in the epic Dance Party wars, Rihanna’s the Sarah Connor sent in to kick ass and, on occasion, take names/apply lipgloss.

Even the “Umbrella” video goes all minimal on us:

It’s only a matter of time, hopefully, before Mayer, Allien or someone in either camp get their mitts and paws all over this. If there’s anyone who understand the subtle nuances of a bassline that kicks the rest of the elements in a track to the backseat, it’s the German tech kids.

Speaking of living in the backseat: Jigga, you had your shot. Our girl B will. Kill. You. (And don’t try to deny: Rihanna’s album, other than “Umbrella”, sounds and smells entirely of perfume on your shirt and Beyonce knock-offs.) You’d best be CCing all those girls girls girls girls you’re see-seeing, and get yourself out from under Rihanna’s umbrella.